This song describes a suicide attempt to free the host Self from his pain and hopelessness. Though he is not a junkie, his tormentor is, so he chooses a heroin overdose to send a message.
Lyrics:
I remember feeling no more pain
when the poison pushed into my vein
If I can register an entry once again
I'll finish off the rest of this balloon and then
I'll be a ghost of the man I was before
That ego dead - I may exist - but nothing more
My stride will carry this observer thru the door
Won't feel a thing for anyone no more
My body fought back, betrayed by me that way
I heaved but hadn't eaten anything all day
I remember I was thinking ... I won't need anymore
Passed out, fell down to my knees and slammed my head into the floor
I woke up two hours later - my body trying to fight the tar
There was nothing it could do, I'd already gone too far
I staggered to my bed, where I lay waiting for the end
I passed thru all the darkest dreams that I've ever been in
Everything was dead or dying - I was heading fast to hell
Poison flowed thru all my veins and oozed from every cell
Everything of beauty I had seen in all my days
was tortured and disfigured by my suicidal ways
I'm just a ghost of the man I was before
That ego's dead - I exist - but nothing more
My stride now carries this observer out the door
Don't feel a thing for anyone no more
I walked as in a dream for more than a couple of days
not sure if I'm alive or dead - alone and in a haze
I no longer felt connected to my body or my plight An extended out of body trip with no return in sightI promised her I'd never take my life because of her
Now I'm trying hard to go back to the way that things once were
Can't take this guilt for what I've done to those who care
Can I undo this is there hope for me somewhere?
What have I done? Is it too late? Am I dead?
I go thru all the motions but it seems all in my head
Can't shake this feeling I'm still laying on the floor
and the world isn't going to hear from me no more
I'm just a ghost of the man I was before
I may be dead - I may be not - but I'm not sure
I still go thru the motions in the hope that I will find
That I can feel again and it was all just in my mind